17 December, 2010

Conditio Sine Qua Non

(Achoom!)

Gesundheit. Well, looking at the state of my blog, I can understand the urge to sneeze.

For the past few months I’ve been quite the busy man; trying to score my exams (more on that later), trying to balance my work/fun/love life (which I cannot conciliate – or balance), and for the past few weeks, trying desperately to get a shot at my report proposal.

All of which is slowly, and surely, is falling down on me.

The exams turned out to be the usual curse and bane of my not-so-studious meh-tods of study: for all the hard work, proper sleep and improper exam diet I went through, I cannot get that elusive mark on the paper. It is so disappointing that I cannot even fathom how I can get such marks.

ehem.

A car has four wheels, and even as it is an improperly balanced car is a bitch to drive (as an aspiring getaway driver, I know how hard it is to keep an unbalanced car straight). My life has three wheels – work, fun, and love. I need a fourth wheel, the fourth variable to balance it out. Why? Ever tried to balance three things on a single fulcrum?

Let’s just face it. I am so accustomed to keeping my life compartmentalized that meshing them together drive me, well, bonkers. I’m used to not letting people from different aspects of my life knowing the other, but due to the insistence of a certain person… Let’s just say that it is easier to get an Al-Qaeda operative to confess and give up their secrets, compared to me openly telling everyone everything.

And the last, but not least is this weird thing called a research report. Apparently my internship requires that I do either a case study, or a conclusive research, based on my area of study and also my internship. However, my internship is so far removed from the area of study that I’m having difficulties on (again!) conciliating the two subjects altogether.

Which is why I cannot achieve the conditio sine qua non.

Maybe I should just wing it, and hope for the best.

13 November, 2010

Regret Nothing!

It’s true.

I regret nothing.

Not my actions since the start of the year, up until now. None of it.

I did not regret calling those responsible stupid. They deserved it, some more than 0thers.

I did not regret switching classes. It was the most liberating decision I have done.

I did not regret taking the intersession. I may not be part of the elite few now, but at least I know my priorities.

I did not regret not going to the various debate tourneys. I know my priorities.

I did not regret leaving my kids out on the open, fending themselves out. It is not their fault that our program has only one senior member.

I did not regret being left out. It afforded my the best opportunity to discover who is the most likeliest to lie and stab me.

I did not regret having my photo torn out of the chart. You just gave me an excuse to leave.

I did not regret paying the full and bloated sum for a shirt. You just gave me the ammunition to further discredit you.

I did not regret spending tremendous amount of money on food. I now know both gluttony and starvation.

I did not regret my decision to call everything off. It was satisfying seeing you dig your own grave.

I did not regret leaving with a sullied name. At least I know what I did to deserve it.

I did not regret posting this. At the very least, I am consistent in my anger, in my clarity of thought, in my honesty.

23 July, 2010

Wanna Punch You So Hard…

… your great-grandson would be impotent.

Ya know, if I didn’t know better, you started to grow some balls right after I left.

Calling me names is as juvenile as it can be, much less when you ran out of things to call out. Seriously, that’s all you can think of? An extinct, flightless bird?

Rotund arsehole, you have serious issues, not to mention reading deficiencies.

Now, here’s the thing. I am so pissed at you, I’m itching to have a little tête-à-tête with you… Your head with the head of my cute claw-hammer. I may be all smiles and jokes, but if people like your rotundness starts crossing the line, I can be your worse nightmare… especially when it involves “re-educating” people just like you.

A friendly word of advice, O Rotund Presidente: there are people out there that hungers your blood, and I’m the tamest amongst them.

You can bet your sorry fart-laden rotund ass that when I’m done with you, it’s just the beginning…

Word of the day: We’ve only just begun…♣

12 July, 2010

Ira

For those who knew your Latin, you’ll get it. Or Google it if you want to.

I always had this… condition (if you can call it THAT), which surfaces every time I was subjected to incessant yammering and holier-than-thou attitude.

Naturally, such… condition does not make a good leader.

I have always this need to get the upper hand, in any situation. To get the last word in, even though it scars others.

That is what haunts me.

A good logistics cannot cover such deformity of character, no matter how well you use your brain, if it cannot control your mouth…

This past few weeks, I have subjected quite a few people to this. It is unnatural. It is insane.

Maybe I was not cut out to become a leader.

Maybe I was not the one that should be the top guy during the last few weeks.

I have tried, yet and yet again.

As always, there will be hearts scarred and faces scowling afterwards. There will always be mutterings as I pass by, harsh words thrown in for good measure, to banish me away from them.

At least I’m honest with my opinions, no matter how misguided or harsh it may be.

Yet, this double-edged sword will somehow swing by and cut me off someday.

Tags: ,
3 May, 2010

Time Is Running Out

A few more hours (a mere 2 hours, actually) before my Personal Development, MGT 534 Finals.

And what am I doing?

Slogging through the textbook and notes.

Time has indeed run out on me.

Let’s rock this joint.

26 April, 2010

Rewind

Haha! New layout!

I guess we all need change every now  and then, eh?

It’s a work in progress, and on top of exams and the upcoming intersession…

You get what I mean.

Be on the watch for another fic, already got the framework done.

23 April, 2010

Learn To Fly

I’m looking to the sky to save me
Looking for a sign of life
Looking for something to help me burn out bright

The man prayed. It was a fervent prayer, although he’s not always faithful or even zealous in his display of faith, he remains true to the one religion he was born into.

He was by no means a good man. He has sinned, some of it big, but mostly small ones here and there. But as he prayed, asking for forgiveness and absolution, deep down he knew he would not get it now.

I’m looking for a complication
Looking cause I’m tired of lying
Make my way back home when I learn to fly

The man finished his prayers, folded the mat, and changed into his ‘normal’ clothes. Continue reading

23 April, 2010

23 on 23

(AN: I’m writing this at approximately 14:34 hours.)

In a few more hours I’ll be 23 years old.

Yippee.

What possible joy and happiness can I garner from being a year older?

Apparently, a lot.

People may not notice this, but I’m not a true extrovert. I blend in with the crowd (sometimes) but most of the time I stuck out like a red hot poker in the middle of a snowdrift. I’m not a cool cat (that aspect of the family went to ner vod), but I’m the one blessed with the unhealthy amount of rage and hotheadedness.

Yay.

I admit to the fact that I’m abrasive, blunt-to-the-point, dish out highly sarcastic jokes, violent, overly formal, not a party animal, doesn’t mesh with the current generation… This could go on and on and on, but the fact is this: I am my own person.

Adderly once told me this: Let it slide. But it’s hard for me to do that. I cannot let ANYTHING slide off me. I may have a thick skin, but it seeps down to the nerves every time. I take each and every misdeed and humiliating action against me very seriously.

Too seriously sometimes.

Let it slide.

Putting that aside, I can’t believe that I’m going to be 23 years old on 23rd of April. I’m going to be a year older. And my former schoolmates are getting married, or in the process of getting married, or seriously considering marriage… not to mention that several of them already having kids or on the process of getting one…

I feel sooooo old.

But, this year may be a bit bland for me. I’m so far away from my family and my dearest, with the exams and bloody MUET on the next day… I’m not quite in the mood to celebrate my own birthday.

And I can already predict what I’m going to get this year. (it’s sooo predictable when the whole world has a sale on the damn thing.)

I guess beggars can’t be choosers, eh?

Here’s to my wallet, my self and myself.

Happy birthday. May you live to celebrate your next one.

21 April, 2010

I’m Not Okay

I’m NOT okay, despite whatever I may tell people. Until I finished my studies, the last two weeks of April will be a miserable time for me.

Go figure.

And below is for all of those that may share the same sentiments I have right now.

Do Not Attempt When Alone In Room. Side effects includes concussion, nausea, bumpy head, medical bills, and commitment to a psychiatric evaluation and also a regular visit to your friendly neighborhood shrink.

31 March, 2010

Seek and Destroy

I blame my brother for pulling me into this.
And yes, boredom is contagious.

I Am A: Neutral Good Human Ranger/Sorcerer (2nd/2nd Level)

Ability Scores:

Strength-13

Dexterity-16

Constitution-10

Intelligence-13

Wisdom-16

Charisma-13

Alignment:
Neutral Good A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment because it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Primary Class:
Rangers are skilled stalkers and hunters who make their home in the woods. Their martial skill is nearly the equal of the fighter, but they lack the latter’s dedication to the craft of fighting. Instead, the ranger focuses his skills and training on a specific enemy a type of creature he bears a vengeful grudge against and hunts above all others. Rangers often accept the role of protector, aiding those who live in or travel through the woods. His skills allow him to move quietly and stick to the shadows, especially in natural settings, and he also has special knowledge of certain types of creatures. Finally, an experienced ranger has such a tie to nature that he can actually draw on natural power to cast divine spells, much as a druid does, and like a druid he is often accompanied by animal companions. A ranger’s Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.

Secondary Class:
Sorcerers are arcane spellcasters who manipulate magic energy with imagination and talent rather than studious discipline. They have no books, no mentors, no theories just raw power that they direct at will. Sorcerers know fewer spells than wizards do and acquire them more slowly, but they can cast individual spells more often and have no need to prepare their incantations ahead of time. Also unlike wizards, sorcerers cannot specialize in a school of magic. Since sorcerers gain their powers without undergoing the years of rigorous study that wizards go through, they have more time to learn fighting skills and are proficient with simple weapons. Charisma is very important for sorcerers; the higher their value in this ability, the higher the spell level they can cast.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

Note: I always liked the ranged+magic combat types. Keeps my hand from getting dirty. And like my brother, I also play Dungeon Siege 2. And also a Blood Assassin, another ranger+magic type. Great minds think alike, it seems.